You know the feeling. Your to-do list is a mile long, your thoughts are scattered in 50 directions, and your brain is juggling everything from “Did I reply to that email?” to “What’s for dinner?” to “Why am I crying in the bathroom at work again?”

Yep. You’re overwhelmed. You might even be feeling out of control.

And let’s be honest—that feeling is not just stressful. It’s scary. It makes you doubt yourself, question your decisions, and sometimes spiral into guilt for not “handling it better.”

But here’s the truth: feeling out of control isn’t a sign that you’re failing. It’s a sign that your mind and body are trying to get your attention. Loudly.

Let’s unpack what that feeling really means, why it happens, and how to gently guide yourself back to steadier ground (without needing to have it all together).

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WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN YOU FEEL OUT OF CONTROL?

At its core, feeling out of control is your nervous system waving a red flag. It’s telling you, “Hey! Something’s too much, too fast, or not working.”

It can show up in a bunch of different ways:

Snapping at people you love for no real reason
Forgetting simple things (like where you put your keys or what you were saying mid-sentence)
Struggling to make even the tiniest decisions
Crying unexpectedly or feeling emotionally numb
Obsessively trying to control tiny things (like alphabetizing your pantry or rechecking your calendar five times)

Sometimes, feeling out of control comes from external chaos—work stress, parenting overload, life transitions. But often, it’s also internal: anxiety, trauma triggers, perfectionism, or simply unmet emotional needs that have been piling up.

It’s not about being weak or dramatic. It’s about being human in a world that rarely slows down long enough to let us breathe.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE

First of all, take a breath. Right now. In and out. You’re doing great already.

If you’re feeling out of control, try these simple but powerful steps to start regaining a sense of grounding:

1. Name It

Say it out loud or write it down: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I feel out of control.” Naming it gives you space to observe the feeling instead of being consumed by it.

2. Shrink the Focus

You don’t need to solve everything today. Ask yourself, What’s one small thing I can do in the next 15 minutes? Maybe it’s drinking water. Brushing your hair. Sending one email. Little wins create momentum.

3. Do a Nervous System Check-In

Sometimes the best way to reset isn’t mental—it’s physical. Try:

Splashing cold water on your face
Going outside and noticing five things you can see
Doing a few gentle stretches or jumping jacks

These help your body shift out of “fight-or-flight” mode and into a calmer state.

4. Say No, Guilt-Free

Feeling out of control is often a result of doing too much. You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to cancel plans. You’re allowed to take a break—even if nothing is “done.”

5. Talk It Out

Reach out to a friend, therapist, or journal page. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Remember: control doesn’t always mean managing everything perfectly. Sometimes, it means knowing when to pause and ask for help.

HOW TO STOP FEELING ALL OVER THE PLACE

If your brain feels like a browser with 42 tabs open, and one of them is playing music but you can’t figure out which one—it’s okay. You’re not broken. You’re just overloaded.

To stop feeling out of control and bring a little order to the chaos, try these gentle strategies:

1. Do a Brain Dump

Get everything out of your head and onto paper. No organizing. No editing. Just write down everything floating around—tasks, worries, errands, reminders, random thoughts. It clears mental space and helps you prioritize.

2. Pick a “Top 3”

Out of everything swirling around, choose three things that really need your attention today. Not ten. Not twenty. Just three. The rest can wait.

3. Create Anchors in Your Day

Routines give your brain a sense of structure. Try having a few non-negotiables each day—like making your bed, drinking coffee slowly, or taking a 5-minute walk. These mini-rituals help ground you.

4. Tame the Tech

Constant notifications can keep your nervous system on edge. Try putting your phone on Do Not Disturb for 30 minutes. You’d be amazed how calming silence can be. Use the Focus Keeper app and set your brain free to focus in scientifically-determined stretches of Pomodoro time.

5. Give Yourself Grace

You’re not supposed to have it all figured out. Life is messy. People are complicated. The goal isn’t to control everything—it’s to find your footing when things feel wobbly.

WHAT IS A SENSE OF LOSS OF CONTROL?

A sense of loss of control happens when life feels like it’s happening to you instead of with you. You might feel powerless, unanchored, or like no matter what you do, it’s not enough.

This can be triggered by:

Big life changes (a move, breakup, job loss, new baby)
Trauma or chronic stress
Mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, or burnout
Even just having too many tabs open in your brain

Loss of control often shows up as:

Avoidance or procrastination
Hyper-control over minor things (ever rage-clean your kitchen at 11 p.m.?)
Emotional numbness or outbursts
Racing thoughts or “doom spirals”

Here’s what’s important to know: you don’t need to be in control of everything to feel in control of something.

Start by taking ownership of one small thing. Hydrate. Send that one text. Make a decision about dinner. These micro-actions send the message to your brain: Hey, I’m steering again.

Over time, those tiny moments of groundedness add up. They build trust—in yourself, your ability to cope, and your right to take up space even when everything feels messy.

FINAL THOUGHTS: CONTROL ISN’T THE GOAL—CONNECTION IS

Here’s the secret most of us don’t learn until adulthood:

Feeling out of control isn’t just about tasks or schedules or responsibilities. It’s often a sign that we’re disconnected—from ourselves, from rest, from meaning, from support.

So instead of hustling harder to control everything, try this:

Connect to your breath
Connect to your body
Connect to one person who makes you feel safe
Connect to your needs—then honor them

You’re allowed to be overwhelmed. You’re allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to feel messy and still be incredibly strong.

You’re not failing. You’re feeling. And that’s something to be proud of.

So take the next small step. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just choose something—anything—that brings you back to yourself.

Because even when you’re feeling out of control, you’re still worthy of peace, care, and compassion.

Always.

Overwhelmed? Here’s What That Feeling Is Really Trying to Tell You