Tips for Balancing Motherhood & A Demanding Career
Being a mother is a full-time job, and having a demanding career adds another layer of complexity. It often feels like there are never enough hours in the day to juggle everything. But don't worry, supermoms! With the right strategies, you can lead a fulfilling life both at home and in the office.
Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to balancing motherhood and a career. What works for one mom may not work for another. It's all about finding what works best for you and your family.
So, whether you're an experienced working mom or just starting out, this blog is your go-to guide for navigating the challenges and rewards of this demanding yet fulfilling journey.
Acknowledging the Challenges of Working Mothers
Is it possible to have a thriving career and be a good mom? Yes! However, in the day-to-day juggling act that working mothers execute, it may not feel like it’s possible to be both a working woman and an engaged mother. Working mothers face many challenges as they pursue careers and families.
Working mothers have to weigh the cost of child care against their salary.
A common complaint from working women is that much of their income or business revenue disappears, immediately lost to the cost of caring for their children during the workday. Even when working mothers can find remote work that may not require the full investment in daycare or a nanny, women still pay the emotional cost of being away from their children while working.
Growth Step: Seek out flexible work environments or schedules when possible to save on the cost of child care. Also, be sure to factor the cost of daycare or a nanny into your income needs when negotiating your salary.
Working mothers feel the stress of divided attention.
At any given moment, a working mom can be thinking about a project at the office while also considering the needs of her children. In the middle of a client meeting, the idea pops into her mind, “Did I sign that permission slip for my son’s field trip?” Or, while attending the book fair at her daughter’s school, she is silencing the pings on Slack sent by colleagues looking for input on a budget report. In this way, a working mother may feel like she can never be fully present at home or work, split between buckets of her life.
Growth Step: Practice setting boundaries to limit distractions. Allow yourself to be fully present wherever you are and put backup support in place with a colleague at work or a family member at home who can field calls in an emergency.
Working mothers may feel a need to prove their dedication to an employer.
The natural disruptions of parenthood can provide a professional challenge for many mothers. One kid gets the flu, causing mom to stay home for a week of caregiving, and the next week, another child needs a parent chaperone for a school trip to the petting zoo. These personal life demands may cause employers to wonder if working moms are committed to their jobs. As a result, working moms can feel pressured to over-deliver, work outside of business hours to make up projects, or go above and beyond to demonstrate that work is a priority amidst their other life commitments.
Growth Step: Maintain strong communication with your employer and colleagues. Rather than shying away from conversations around personal needs, be upfront about the demands of home and share your strategy to manage specific tasks or projects.
Working mothers often miss opportunities for promotion in the workplace.
FlexJobs states, “If you are a working parent with a traditional job, it can be tricky to convince your colleagues you’re working just as hard as they are if you’re leaving the office before they do.” Working mothers often need to clock out and race home before childcare ends or kids’ activities begin. As a result, bosses and coworkers may unfairly assume working moms lack the competence or margin to excel in their roles. Working moms worry their employer will skip over them when it’s time to assign a team for a new project or when an opportunity opens for advancement.
Growth Step: Let your work speak for itself. Get clear on the metrics for success within your workplace and ensure you’re meeting all the deliverables. Be your own publicist in the office, reminding your boss and coworkers how you’ve completed what was expected of you.
Working mothers struggle to shift gears when transitioning life buckets.
One of our recent clients commented that working from home often looks like throwing a load of laundry in the washer between meetings and taking calls or responding to emails after her children’s bedtime. She’s always on, hopping from one bucket of her life to the next in seconds. In New York City, working moms can have difficulty shutting off at the end of a long workday with the boundaries blurred between work and home.
Growth Step: In life coaching at Healthy Minds NYC, our life coach, Chanel Dokun, often helps working mothers craft a time map to create clear focus categories for a busy mother’s schedule. Audit the kinds of time demands you have and develop a plan to complete different styles of tasks during certain times of the day or week.
Working mothers lack time for self-care.
The demands of parenting and focusing at work often leave little room for personal care. Mothers usually place themselves last on the list of priorities, taking care of everyone else before investing money or energy into their wellness.
Growth Step: The saying goes that you must put on your oxygen mask first before you can help someone else. Front-load your calendar with wellness activities and protect time for self-care, like your appointment with your therapist, so that you can take responsibility for your well-being. When you’re well, you can support the other people and projects in your life.
Above all else, remember that being a working mother isn’t always about being perfect. Therapists know that being a “good enough” mom is sufficient for raising happy, healthy children. In fact, the pursuit of perfection in motherhood often leads to the most significant negative consequences. Research from the National Library of Medicine shows that working mothers can internalize societal pressure to fulfill an unrealistic mothering ideal known as “intensive mothering.” Intensive mothering can include over-performance in routine childcare tasks, maternal gatekeeping (where women set the standard for childrearing within the home), and the lack of male involvement in domestic tasks. Unfortunately, the cost of perfection for working moms is high. When working women experience the stress of intensive mothering, they face personal burnout, children who feel the effects of growing up in a stressful or mentally unhealthy environment, and a decrease in work ambition or success.
That’s the conflict many women wrestle with as they navigate the role of working mother. The pursuit of work outside the home and the need to care for children can feel like a great juggling act for working mothers who hope to pour into two meaningful parts of life that are often at odds with one another. It’s not easy to be a working mom.
How to Balance Life as a Working Mom
While trying to be the perfect mother may be detrimental to your and your children’s well-being, there are healthy efforts you can make to balance a demanding job and motherhood. Here are a few strategies you can attempt to increase your sense of work-life balance without the mom guilt:
First, get clear on what matters. Determine what’s critical for your family’s health and what would be nice to experience. Complete a similar analysis of your work life, separating needs vs. wants. Knowing what’s important to you is the start of setting boundaries for a healthy work-life balance.
Next, try implementing time management strategies like time blocking at work or weekly meal planning at home to optimize your time. Being a mom is stressful enough without the added difficulty of juggling a chaotic schedule.
Ask for help when work stops working. Also, enlist the support of family and friends when life at home gets tough. Every mom needs a support system, both personally and professionally, to keep up with the demands of being a working mother.
Develop a self-care routine. Create a short list of activities you can turn to to reset when your life balance feels off-kilter. Whether it’s a 30-minute walk in Central Park, a quiet moment journaling in your neighborhood cafe, or a bubble bath at the end of a long day–make time for restorative practices. Begin to reframe self-care as an essential component of your mom toolkit.
And remember, talk to a therapist about your feelings. “An experienced therapist may provide working women with suggestions for managing their job and home challenges to avoid chronic stress and mental burnout later” (BetterHelp). At Healthy Minds NYC, we’re grateful to be a part of your support system, helping you excel as a mom and at work with a stronger sense of life balance.
As you take these steps to increase your work-life balance, we hope you’ll find it easier to manage the stress of work and mom life. You’re not alone in the struggle. Be patient with yourself as you take the time to adopt new habits and change your behaviors.
Becoming a mom is a significant life transition. It may take time to feel like you’re back on solid footing. One area you’ll also want to keep an eye on is your social circle. The loss of friendships or the shift in quality of relationships can be a risk factor in terms of stress, anxiety, and depression for working moms. Part of life balance is cultivating relationships with other women who support you in motherhood and remind you of who you are outside of the roles you play at home or work. Friendships are golden.
Unfortunately, maintaining friendships can feel like one more chore on an already exhausting list of tasks to complete as a working woman. Motherly.com offers some realistic tips to tend to the connections you already have and meet new friends. Here are a few tips we love:
Accept that the way you spend time with friends may change. Be open to unconventional meetings, like a quick dinner with kids milling about midweek.
Be transparent and honest with friends about the real struggles you’re facing.
Say you need time alone if you’re overwhelmed. It’s okay to be truthful about your bandwidth while expressing that you still value the friendship.
Understand all parties have needs. Share what you’re looking for in friendship, and listen to how you can be a good friend to the women in your life.
Keep an eye out for new relationships. You might be surprised by the new friendships that emerge during this new season of life as a mother.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Balancing motherhood and a demanding career can be a wild journey, with many twists and turns as you learn to find your healthy way of “good-enough” mothering with the right level of support. Sometimes, you may feel like you’re failing because you imagine you’re not meeting a particular goal. Remember that the true goal is to set realistic expectations for yourself that you can meet. You won’t always be able to give a thousand percent at work. Sometimes, you will drop the ball on something meaningful for your child. That’s okay. Shake off the unrealistic expectation that you’ll always nail it, and allow yourself to try again when you fall. Show yourself the same tenderness you might show your child when they are failing to achieve unrealistic expectations or arbitrary goals they’ve set for themselves. This act of self-compassion is one of the best actions you can take as a working mom. It is also an excellent model for your children’s future mental and emotional health.
Redefine success for you and your family. A winning expectation might look like homemade family dinners once a week while you order on most days. A weekly game night goal or a monthly family adventure outside of the city could be realistic expectations to connect with your kids intentionally. Set goals that work for your family style and your wiring. Also, permit yourself to pour into your career in a way that is meaningful to you. Maria Petit affirms, “You’re not a bad mom because you work. Yes, you are a mom now, but that doesn’t mean you have to forget about your professional and personal goals!” Reserve some energy and mental space to invest in your career growth as part of your family success plan.
Be sure to celebrate along the way! As you see your family rhythm working or small moments that feel like balance, take note of the success. “Journaling or reflecting on these moments of success can shift your focus from perceived imperfections to the countless things you’re doing right as a parent” (SheKnows). You’re more likely to experience more victories as you lean into what’s working.
Therapy can be a safe place of growth and encouragement as you learn to celebrate. You can track your progress during therapy, using sessions to stay on top of your personal and professional goals. Your therapist can help weigh in on whether or not you are placing realistic expectations on yourself or setting yourself up for future stress with unrealistic expectations. And above all, your therapist can remind you to enjoy this one precious life you have. You deserve it. “As we navigate the beautiful chaos of parenthood,” Anitha Venugopal commiserates. “Let’s remember to invest in ourselves, nurture our passions, and cherish every step forward.”
Ready to start investing in you? Check out our career coaching services by clicking here and then schedule a free consultation to begin.
